Woodstock Redux

By: Thaneay Terenfeldsay

     Last month, Mr. Simpson brought a gaggle of hipsters into the school lobby, and they have been camped there ever since. Although their presence is now accepted as natural, and the way humans were meant to be, some originally questioned how they came to form a settlement in our school. When asked why he came here, Raju, a Nepalese hipster, proceeded to explain that he was helping to build a school. He believed that volunteering can happen at both a local and an international level. Back in Nepal, he taught American refugees to speak Nepalese. His trip to America started with a layover in New York City, where he gawked at Times Square and St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Lancaster seemed like the ideal village, cut off from the modern world, where he could teach. When asked how he found the campsite in the school, he replied, “AirBnB, man. Formal hotels are way mad mainstream. We’re in the twenty-first century. Sharing is the new way of life; property is just a part of the capitalist agenda.” 

     Raju took me on a tour of the village, or the Lancaster Sustainability Commune, as it is known. The admissions office had been repurposed as a coffee room. In it, hipsters took turns brewing coffee, and pouring it into glass Mason jars. From there, we visited the writing room in the former teacher’s lounge, which contained typewriters that kind of still work. The other half of the faculty lounge had become a factory. I spied Mr. Simpson hard at work, sewing the color accents on a new backpack. Throughout the whole interview and tour, Raju had been wearing hiking boots and a windbreaker – inside. When I asked him about it, he pointed out the rugged terrain of the Upper School and the persistent thunderstorms that penetrate the roof and enter the hallway. 

     Later that day, I found Mr. Simpson and asked what was going to happen to the spoon game. According to the man himself, “I know you’ve been waiting a long time for the spoon game, and that I keep saying that it is about to happen, but I think that everyone will really appreciate it once it gets started. Once again, this is one of the only times during the year that we come together as a whole community, and I feel that there is something really special about our school. And I’m going to do it right away; it is my first priority, as soon as my backpack strap is perfect.” As of press time, we were still waiting for the spoon game to start. 

This article is part of the 2014 April Fools issue for the Fourth Estate. None of the information in the article above should be taken literally.

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